To love or not to love? That is the question…
“How do you know when you’re falling in love with the right person?”
This question may seem generic to some, and it definitely warrants an extremely subjective answer, but I decided to take a stab at it anyway. People make the mistake of thinking they are in love all the time, when really, they’re not. Others know they’re falling in love but question whether or not they should be. Don’t feel bad…it’s hard to tell the difference between love and infatuation, but here are a few telltale signs that have convinced me to follow my heart in the past…..
First, and most simply, how does the person make you feel? Sure, they make you feel happy and nervous and all that typical stuff…but how do they make you feel about YOURSELF? Do they recognize how wonderful you are? Do they make you feel confident and attractive because they want to show you off every chance they get? Do they make you laugh like you’ve never laughed before? Can you be yourself around them? Do you feel like a better person when you’re together? Do they appreciate what you love, even if they don’t love it too, and do they support your dreams and aspirations no matter what they may be? (Hopefully you answered yes to all of these questions.)
Second, both you and said person should exhibit empathy towards one another. This means if you have some exciting news that you get to go on a wonderful vacation for a few weeks, they should be genuinely happy for you, even if it means they don’t get to see you the whole time you’re gone. If they tell you about a terrible day they had, you should listen to them and really, truly feel sorry for them. (And then, of course, do something special to cheer them up!) This all may sound pretty basic and easy, but empathy really becomes difficult when an argument breaks out. If your significant other tells you that you did something to hurt their feelings or made them jealous, even if you didn’t mean to, it isn’t enough to say it wasn’t your intention and simply move on. It’s important to really hear what the other person is trying to say as opposed to just letting it go in one ear and out the other. Imagine if you were in their position…even if you wouldn’t react in the same way, understand that everyone views things differently, and try to come up with a way you can be more sensitive to their feelings next time. If you’re willing to do all that and they’ll do the same for you, then I’d say it’s a pretty safe bet that you, at the very least, really care about one another. (By the way, you should exercise empathy with your friends, too, not just your significant other!)
Third, and I know all you Jerry McGuire fans have heard this before, the person you’re with should complete you. We ALL have flaws. (Yes, even you!) When finding a partner, that person should be able to counteract the flaws that you have…this is why finding someone too much like you is not always best. If you’re more of a planner, it might be a breath of fresh air to be with someone a little more spontaneous. If you’re shy, being with someone outgoing can help bring you out of your shell. If you’re a big arguer get defensive easily, it’s probably best to be with someone who remains calm and even (to an extent) avoids big confrontations, because it will give you time to cool down, and you can revisit the issue later by having a discussion rather than an argument. No two people will fit together perfectly, but finding someone who overall brings out the good side of you while still letting you be yourself should be a requirement in any relationship.
Lastly, and most importantly, you can’t be in a position where you’re questioning your feelings. If you “think” you’re in love, you’re not. End of discussion. BUT, if you do have that cliché butterflies in your stomach, head in the clouds, heart can’t stop beating kind of feeling when you’re around the person AND your relationship has all the aforementioned traits, then you’re probably already pretty certain how you feel. THIS means that the reason you’re asking this question (if you are), isn’t because you’re unsure…it’s because you’re scared!
This post is getting long, so I’m going to wrap it up, but here’s the thing…I can’t guarantee you won’t get hurt, but what I CAN guarantee you for SURE is that if you go through life living in fear, you won’t really be living at all. My motto: “Forget regret, or life is yours to miss.” You’re welcome to use it, too :)
